OK, OK, let’s get off the ridiculous Corona Monster for a little bit and think about some other ridiculous matters which will be front-page news in a few months. Namely, Christmas. Oops! I mean, X-mas, because we can’t speak the word Christ, even though that is the only meaning the season has.
The trend toward “political correctness” has become, quite simply, ridiculous.
Consider some of the ways in which we can no longer celebrate Christmas, oops, I mean X-mas. Or maybe holidays, but that’s not good either, because the expression evolved from the phrase “holy days”. Dang it all, I messed up already. Big time.
- The song White Christmas gets a double whammy. White is racist, Christ is verboten. Probably, any bad speller could also conclude that “mas” is Catholic and, therefore, intolerant and not to be accepted, which would mean three strikes against it.
- Candy canes are to be abolished. Yes, candy canes. You see, they are shaped like the letter J, which, to the feverish minds of The Enlightened Ones, correlates to an endorsement of Christianity, since the word Jesus starts with a J. Not only that, they incorporate the colors red (blood) and white (purity) in them. However, sometimes they are colored green and white, which simply clogs up my theory. Maybe green and white is acceptable because green is environmentally friendly and white is the color of snow, which helps to mitigate the awful effects of global warming. Who knows?
- Christmas trees have got to go! Christmas tree farms use up an excessive, inordinate amount of scarce resources, water, for instance. Ignorant people then cut them down, use them for a week or two, and either dump them in a landfill or burn them, contributing to global warming. Plastic trees are no better, since they require the use of oil and energy to create. Hey ho, hey ho, Christmas trees have got to go!
- Baby, it’s cold outside! Not only does this song, decades old and well beloved, communicate the hazards and reality of “date rape” (by taking advantage of a woman’s confessed inability to “Just Say No” and mean it), but it is also is a refutation of the widespread belief in global warming. Looking through the lens of reality, though, at this time of year, it usually is cold outside.
- Rudolph, the movie (also decades old and well beloved) is dripping with masculine toxicity and encourages bullying.
- Santa Claus himself is an Old White Man. Any one of these attributes (deficiencies?) is enough to disqualify him. All three together…, perish the thought!! In addition, he gives naughty children lumps of coal, rewarding bad behavior with bad environmental practice. He also makes his reindeer fly long distances during bad weather, making him a certified animal abuser. PETA, where are you?
- Speaking of coal, it seems that Ebenezer Scrooge really ought to be saluted as a paragon of good environmental practice, since he was always demanding that Bob Cratchit reduce his use of coal and candles, preferring instead to live in the cold and dark. Scrooge also wanted to reduce the “excess population”, thereby creating a better world for the ones (especially himself) who were left. Scrooge for President! Or at least, Director of the EPA. The only problem, though, is that Scrooge came to his senses, raised Cratchit’s wages, paid (voluntarily, out of his own pocket!!) for Tiny Tim’s medical treatment, and started financially supporting the slaughter of geese to be used for food by people. Ooooh, where is PETA? We need you.
- In the same manner, the Grinch should be likewise hoisted. Not only did he criticize the Who’s down in Whoville for their greedy, conspicuous consumerism, he attempted, in a manner consistent with his own philosophy, to force them to mend their ways by taking away all the good things they had accumulated to celebrate the holiday, I mean, X-mas. By the way, doesn’t X-mas sound a lot like X-men, which is (or should be) sexist and anti-feminist? (Maybe we should just call it X-day.) In addition, the Grinch is green, which everyone knows is good, as opposed to white, which isn’t. But, in the end, the Grinch, like Scrooge before him, also repented of his sins and started celebrating Christmas, including carving up the “roast beast”. PETA, calling PETA!!! Where are you when you’re needed?
Holy cow! Where is it all going to end? Probably I shouldn’t have said “holy cow”, since there are a lot of people who would take offense at that if they knew I said it. Perhaps I should have used my newest four-letter word–“Covid!”, which has become my go-to when I want to express my wonder and amazement.
Not to worry, though. Easter is coming up and I’m sure there’s nothing in that for anyone to be offended at. Certainly not the idea that our sins have been paid for and that we are redeemed and can have peace with God.