This is a confession of sorts. I’m trying to sort something out.
For weeks now, my wife has been binge watching the long-running TV series, The Waltons, which detail the life of a family in the mountains of western Virginia during the Depression years of the 20th century. Just before I started writing this post, I walked by and saw Jason tell his older sister, Mary Ellen, that he didn’t know whether he could ever kill another human being, even for his country. It is important to know that Jason voluntarily signed up (against the express wishes of his mother) to serve in the National Guard at the beginning of WW2 and had been having qualms about what he was being told and taught to do should he ever have to defend himself or his comrades.
A number of years ago, I purchased a book by John Roth, “Choosing Against War”1, and have read through it numerous times, in fact, so many that it is beginning to fall apart. I recently finished reading it again and the message resonates as loudly now (probably louder) as it did the first time I read it. Like Jason Walton, I am questioning my response should I ever be in a situation which might require the use of violent force, even the killing of another human being, to save my life and/or that of those close to and around me, especially my wife.
Roth teaches non-violent resistance to criminal aggression as a means of defending oneself and others, answering in detail many of the arguments raised by those who do not live in his “camp”. I find his position compelling and while I don’t agree with everything he writes, nevertheless, the issue is working on me quite persistently. I just cannot stop thinking about it.
There are two things which have shouldered their way to the front of my mind:
- As a stated believer in the doctrine of Jesus Christ, the ultimate peacemaker, can I claim to be His disciple in all truth, yet still cling to the idea that someone else’s life is dispensable should I decide to pull the trigger? How do I love my neighbor (definition of neighbor notwithstanding) as Jesus commands if his life is at my disposal and I choose to end it?
- As a stated believer who claims to trust God to take care of me, regardless of the situation, would I be overstepping that boundary if I actually did pull the trigger? Can it be said that I have faith and trust in God’s protection, except for the times when that protection is not working out the way that I think it should?
It seems to me that these two questions are inextricably linked with the first flowing from the second. Can I even love my neighbor as Christ orders without first placing my trust in God? Ultimately, at least it seems so to me, this boils down to one thing: in order to fully embrace the policy of non-violent living, I must first open myself up to the highly vulnerable position of trusting God to perform as He has promised. Ultimately, what it means is that I have to give up the “right” to decide for myself in everything I do and surrender completely to His will, whether it results in my good or to my detriment.
I have not come to this place easily. I know all the arguments against such a position and have made many of them myself and, to further confess my sins, in my past have even entertained the thought of shooting someone simply to know what it felt like and to have the satisfaction of doing so. Of course, that has not happened and today, if the temptation pops up, I put it out of my mind as quickly as possible because I will not succumb to it in any way, shape, or form. So help me, God!
This is my dilemma and speaking only for myself, it is a question of whose will is going to reign supreme in my life. Do I trust God enough to surrender that power in my pursuit of becoming like Christ, because there can be no doubt on this issue. If I do not trust God completely in this manner, then I will never give it up, but will always hold that as my prerogative. Do I trust God or do I act as my own man? In essence, the decision I have to make is equivalent (is that the right word?) to the decision Jesus made in the Garden of Gethsemane just before his arrest and crucifixion.
“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not my will, but Yours, be done.” — Luke 22:42
I do not want advice or argument. Rather, I ask only one thing from you, if you are on speaking terms with the Almighty, say a prayer on my behalf. And, since there is strength in numbers, repost this to anyone you think would be open to it.





