Finally! After all these millennia, scientists have discovered that the REAL reason people get sick in the fall and winter is due to…colder temperatures.
Well, duh!! Anyone could have seen that obvious conclusion, but it took a taxpayer-funded study to confirm it. After all, when the thermometer goes lower in the fall, the number of flu cases rises, seemingly in lockstep. The colder the temperature, the more flu. And, since CNN produced this, it has to be true. Right? Of course, right.
Contrary to popular myth, correlation DOES equal causation.
Now that you know, you can minimize your chances of catching the flu by doing one simple thing–wear a mask. According to Dr. Benjamin Bleier, who worked in the study, it is beneficial to “suit up”.
“Not only do masks protect you from the direct inhalation of viruses, but it’s also like wearing a sweater on your nose,”…
Well, there you have it from an Expert, an Esteemed Member of the Hallowed Discipline of the Holy Church of Undisputable and Settled Science. There are so many questions this POS raises, but I will only ask one. If a mask works like a sweater to keep our noses warm, why aren’t we encouraged to simply wear full face ski masks? That ought to do the trick.
Yeah, I am fully convinced. So convinced, in fact, that I’m going to rush out and buy up as many ski masks as possible to hoard them for the oncoming demand.
Logically speaking, if we can avoid the flu by keeping our noses warm, then it ought to be realistic and sensible to assume that a warmer Earth would alleviate untold misery by billions of people every year. Climate Change to the rescue! Viva Global Warming!! Combat the Flu by heating up the environment!!!
It’s all for the cause, dear.
It’s hilarious that an article pushing such a ludicrous position (masking will keep you safe) would actually lead someone like myself to make all kinds of exaggerated claims based on the assertions made in it. Honestly, though, I have barely scratched the surface and could, if I put myself to it, produce untold numbers of highly sarcastic comments about this.
But, hey! Why do I have to do all the work? Create your own.
Poor Roger's Almanac 
It is true that mockery is a very effective weapon. Masks do protect us from everything, right? Except mockery; masks invite it.
Aaron, I saw recently that during protests by pro-Palestinian supporters in London, the police were “asking” (Asking? Politely, I’m quite sure.) participants to remove their masks so that they could be identified by facial recognition. Apparently, there is a law which forbids trying to conceal your identity, especially when you are doing something which The Law frowns on, like taking what is officially a “wrong” stance.
It’s funny (ironic, not hilarious) that just a short time ago, everyone was being encouraged to nearly completely cover their face. This got so bad that I questioned why there weren’t more bank robberies during that time.
Thanks for the comment.
The body offers many avenues through which something external can enter. The mouth, of course, but the body has been designed (or has developed) a means to deal with many, but not all, discomforting substances ingested this way.
The head and face offer several such possibilities – masks, as we were told, protect (supposedly) the nose and mouth when breathing. But what of the eyes and ears? Perhaps next time we will be instructed to place a plastic bag over our head and tie it tight around our neck!
One “benefit” to placing a plastic bag over your head and cinching it tight around your neck is that you would never again have to be sick, providing, of course, that you didn’t “chicken out” and rip it off too early.
In Ron Howard’s movie, The Grinch, there is a scene at the local elementary school in which the teacher asks the Grinch why he has a bag on his head. I am constantly plagued by a temptation whenever I see someone wearing one of those masks to ask the same thing. “Why do you have a bag on your head?” and see what kind of response it gets. However, my good sense and compassion for dumb animals always overrules my desire and I have yet to do that.
Thanks for the comment.