I hate low-profile (skinny) tires. Those tiny, thin bands of fake rubber which wrap around the rims of the wheels on which my car rides as I travel down the road.

Time was that a person could look at a tire and determine that it needed more air because it appeared to be a little squatty. No more! Today, it requires a sensor in every tire and an idiot light on the dashboard to tell you that “Low Tire Pressure”. Of course, the message (at least in my car) does not tell me which tire is low, which means that I have to check every one whenever the “warning” is displayed.

Now, I ask you, with all of the technological advances made in the last 100 years or so, does it not seem reasonable that my car could tell me exactly where it needs attention? Y’know, like when I go to the doctor and tell her (there are no more male practitioners) that I have a pain and have to describe it in excruciating detail.

But I digress! Reality is that low-profile (skinny) tires are really beneficial after all. Because they are produced from synthetic rubber, not the real stuff, rubber trees in remote Borneo (or wherever they are) escape being exploited. And, more to the point, because the tires are smaller and take less air to produce the correct pressure, they act as a bulwark against “global warming”, a.k.a., “climate change”.

How is this possible, you ask? Simple physics. Because air heats up under pressure, the less air necessary to pump up a tire, the less heat is produced. The less heat produced, the lower the overall, aggregate heat in the atmosphere. Imagine the impact this makes when multiplied by millions or billions of tires. Which simply means that if we all were to adopt bicycles with really skinny tires and a really low amount of “hot air” necessary, the climate change advocates, who are also full of hot air, would have to shut up and go home. Or, more likely, they would congratulate themselves on the success of their mission–while flying off in their own personal jet to another conference somewhere halfway around the world.

Too bad E.T. is not here to show them how to fly a bicycle.